At one time or another in our lives, we have had experienced shyness. As children, it is a normal temporary behavior, considered part of normal development.
It comes in roughly two waves: first, at around the ages of 5 to 6 months and again at about age 2. Shyness becomes evident at about age 3. Problems arise when shyness hampers with the child’s relationships with the others, in social situations, school, etc.
Defined as a fear of, or withdrawal from other people or social situations, shyness may have several causes depending on the particular child and the specific circumstances.
Shyness is a behavior parents should not ignore on their child. On the part of the child, it can be a very painful emotion to live with, and it will definitely affect the other aspects of his life all the way to his adulthood.
For starters, shy children develop low self-esteem and its attendant lack of self-confidence. This results into a real difficulty for the shy child to make friends. Moreover, they do not usually receive the needed help from their teachers.
Some reasons for shyness
As had been cited before, shyness can have several causes. Each case, however, is unique for each child. Some may have one specific cause, while others may have a combination of causes that feed on each other.
*Heredity Some research showed that shyness runs in the family. However, science could not yet pinpoint if there is a specific gene for it. It could be that children learn the shyness behavior from their parents through example.
*Modeling or learned behavior. As is noted from the above observations, children may have acquired their shyness habit from watching how their parents interact with other people. As statistics show, shy parents usually have shy children.
*Difficulty with frequent exposure to new situations. Children are repeatedly exposed to new situations. Unfortunately, not all children can cope with these, and those that cannot tend to withdraw.
*Overprotective parents. Children who are overprotected lack the opportunities to be socially independent. Growing up, they lack the confidence needed to make their own decisions. Their later insecurities will trigger shyness.
*Inconsistent parenting. Parenting practices that are not consistent cause confusion and insecurity in children. This behavior can lead to shyness. Examples would be punishing the child for a breach of rules at one time and yet letting it pass on the next incidence.
*Lack of parental involvement. Some parents believe that letting children on their own promotes a child’s independent attitude. This is a mistake because children with no experience need constant guidance from parents. Other parents don’t have the time nor the inclination to involve themselves. This is another tragic mistake. Decreased parental involvement makes the child believe his unworthy status and will feel uncomfortable in social situations.
Teasing, threats, criticisms. When children are frequently teased, threatened or criticized either by their family or by other people, they will eventually develop the expectation of only negative feedback from others. This will lead to their evading actions in social situations and contact with other people.
These are just some of the more visible causes of shyness in children. Fortunately, shyness is not a difficult problem to correct. However, the correction process needs the full cooperation and total commitment from the parents themselves.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Getting Started In Overcoming Shyness
Talking and mingling with people is fun. But for people who don’t know who have yet to develop strategies in socialization, this is not always the case. For these people, the dealing with others can be fun but the hardest part would be keeping their heads up during any given conversation.
If you are one of those who are having a hard time dealing with others because of certain fears such as shyness, the first thing that you could do is to identify and acknowledge what you are afraid of in dealing with others. This is the best way to go about it because how can you address a certain problem if you don’t have enough courage to face it. Once you know in yourself what that fear is, you can find ways on how to overcome them.
The road to overcoming shyness
Shyness one of the most common fears that people develops. This is because of the thought something untoward might happen that would change other's perception about them. Many people who enjoy talking to others might think of it as something absurd but experts say that shyness is not a laughing matter. This is because it can lead to more complicated problems such as panic attacks, nausea and even vomiting.
If you are one of those who have developed shyness and you want to overcome it, here are some tips that can help you get started:
- know what really in dealing with others that are you are afraid the most. The most common answer would be the fear of embarrassment. Although the thought can be frightening, this doesn’t happen all the time. If you are afraid of embarrassment these things, it is best to acknowledge these right away so you can address these properly.
- be educated. This is the best weapon in getting started in overcoming shyness. If you are knowledgeable about the possibilities, you won't be able to imagine some things that might happen to you while talking to others. Experts say that if one if knowledgeable enough, he or she would have a better understanding of any given situation. Being educated means one is able to learn what to do when he or she feels shyness when dealing with others and what to do in these circumstances.
- get all the support that you need. It is hard for a person—who is just starting in overcoming shyness—to do it by him or herself. So, the best way for him or her to continue with the process is having people around who can give the support needed. If you are the person who always gets shy, try bringing along a friend who is not afraid of talking to others in a crowd. He or she can serve as a distraction so you won't think of negative thoughts while dealing with others.
Overcoming shyness might be simple but many people are still having difficulties in achieving this because of so many factors such as personality, upbringing, and ways of managing stress as well as failure. Experts say that for one to deal with shyness for good, he or she must be able to keep a positive attitude first then self confidence will follow.
If you are one of those who are having a hard time dealing with others because of certain fears such as shyness, the first thing that you could do is to identify and acknowledge what you are afraid of in dealing with others. This is the best way to go about it because how can you address a certain problem if you don’t have enough courage to face it. Once you know in yourself what that fear is, you can find ways on how to overcome them.
The road to overcoming shyness
Shyness one of the most common fears that people develops. This is because of the thought something untoward might happen that would change other's perception about them. Many people who enjoy talking to others might think of it as something absurd but experts say that shyness is not a laughing matter. This is because it can lead to more complicated problems such as panic attacks, nausea and even vomiting.
If you are one of those who have developed shyness and you want to overcome it, here are some tips that can help you get started:
- know what really in dealing with others that are you are afraid the most. The most common answer would be the fear of embarrassment. Although the thought can be frightening, this doesn’t happen all the time. If you are afraid of embarrassment these things, it is best to acknowledge these right away so you can address these properly.
- be educated. This is the best weapon in getting started in overcoming shyness. If you are knowledgeable about the possibilities, you won't be able to imagine some things that might happen to you while talking to others. Experts say that if one if knowledgeable enough, he or she would have a better understanding of any given situation. Being educated means one is able to learn what to do when he or she feels shyness when dealing with others and what to do in these circumstances.
- get all the support that you need. It is hard for a person—who is just starting in overcoming shyness—to do it by him or herself. So, the best way for him or her to continue with the process is having people around who can give the support needed. If you are the person who always gets shy, try bringing along a friend who is not afraid of talking to others in a crowd. He or she can serve as a distraction so you won't think of negative thoughts while dealing with others.
Overcoming shyness might be simple but many people are still having difficulties in achieving this because of so many factors such as personality, upbringing, and ways of managing stress as well as failure. Experts say that for one to deal with shyness for good, he or she must be able to keep a positive attitude first then self confidence will follow.
How to Effectively Overcome Shyness to Improve Social Life
If you are dead set that you want to overcome shyness, you must do everything to make things work the way you want them to. This may not be easy, but if you are really determined as to what you want to achieve, you must not let anything hinder you from becoming who you eventually would want to be. One aspect of your life that is greatly affected by this behavior is your social life. When you are shy, you tend to stay away from any events and happenings where there will be many people in attendance.
Most people who have this attitude find it hard to initiate conversations or sustain a long one if ever they do get introduced to someone. Such attitude will not help you in many ways, especially when you are starting a career and you have to nail down your job interviews. You may have the right educational background and you are mentally prepared for the tasks involved on your chosen career, but these are not enough. If you will not be able to express your thoughts right while you are being assessed by your future employer, you may not even be able get the chance to prove yourself.
Proven Techniques
No matter how desperate you are to get rid of your unwanted attitude, there are certain solutions that you must veer away from. Although these may provide short-term solution to the problem, as long as you don't find answers to the roots of your attitude, you may not be able to address real concerns. Some samples of these kinds of solutions include anti depressants and alcohol. If you will depend too much on anti depressants, you will still be bothered by what causes your shyness every now and then. Alcohol can be damaging because you may not be aware of the things that you do when you are under its influence.
You are already starting to do the right thing by trying to come up with probable solutions to your problem, which is your attitude. This means that you have already accepted that this is really a problem. It may be confusing to accept why you find it so hard to approach people or initiate conversations with them. The latter may only appear as trivial encounters for most people, but you are not sure why you fear occasions where you will be faced with many strangers because you don't know how to handle yourself at these events.
Now that you have accepted the fact, you can already start with small steps towards the kind of change that you want to happen with regards to your attitude. You can begin by changing your attitude in meeting people that you know and you used to simply ignore because you are too shy to be the first one to greet. You can now smile at them and slowly through the process, you can begin talking to them briefly whenever you meet them.
If you are not sure that you can do this on your own, you may want to consult a professional who can help you overcome shyness and deal with the situation.
Most people who have this attitude find it hard to initiate conversations or sustain a long one if ever they do get introduced to someone. Such attitude will not help you in many ways, especially when you are starting a career and you have to nail down your job interviews. You may have the right educational background and you are mentally prepared for the tasks involved on your chosen career, but these are not enough. If you will not be able to express your thoughts right while you are being assessed by your future employer, you may not even be able get the chance to prove yourself.
Proven Techniques
No matter how desperate you are to get rid of your unwanted attitude, there are certain solutions that you must veer away from. Although these may provide short-term solution to the problem, as long as you don't find answers to the roots of your attitude, you may not be able to address real concerns. Some samples of these kinds of solutions include anti depressants and alcohol. If you will depend too much on anti depressants, you will still be bothered by what causes your shyness every now and then. Alcohol can be damaging because you may not be aware of the things that you do when you are under its influence.
You are already starting to do the right thing by trying to come up with probable solutions to your problem, which is your attitude. This means that you have already accepted that this is really a problem. It may be confusing to accept why you find it so hard to approach people or initiate conversations with them. The latter may only appear as trivial encounters for most people, but you are not sure why you fear occasions where you will be faced with many strangers because you don't know how to handle yourself at these events.
Now that you have accepted the fact, you can already start with small steps towards the kind of change that you want to happen with regards to your attitude. You can begin by changing your attitude in meeting people that you know and you used to simply ignore because you are too shy to be the first one to greet. You can now smile at them and slowly through the process, you can begin talking to them briefly whenever you meet them.
If you are not sure that you can do this on your own, you may want to consult a professional who can help you overcome shyness and deal with the situation.
Tips In Overcoming Shyness
Every year, the number of people that have having a hard time overcoming shyness is increasing. If you think that you are at risk of developing social phobia or you know somebody who is already suffering from extreme shyness that affects his or her personal and social life, the best way to address the problem is to determine if there is really a "problem".
In this case, the problem is the fear of the person in dealing with others. Experts say that the earlier the shyness is diagnosed is the best treatment for this condition. This is because the problem could be addressed in its "infancy" stage so more options would be available for the patient.
The first thing that one can do if he or she suspects that he or she might have developed this fear in dealing with people is to check the symptoms of people who are diagnosed with it. Some of the common symptoms extreme shyness or diffidence include over anxiety or nervousness during the conversations and other social functions. Other manifestations of the condition might also include nausea, dizziness, vomiting, muscular tensions, motion sickness, excessive sweating, heavy breathing, palpitations or increased heart rate and uncontrolled shaking or trembling of the person's body.
If these symptoms happen to a person during any social gathering or conversation, then there is a great need for him or her to seek professional help as soon as possible. The diagnosis of diffidence is usually made by the psychologist who will offer advices. He or she will also assess the patient by asking about him or her about the fear of people, how it started, and the extent or the severity of the fear which may affects his or her life.
Going to a psychiatrist is one of the basic treatments in overcoming shyness because he or she will give the person another perspective on the condition and will also help him or her handle the condition especially if it has reached phobic proportions. If you suspect that too much shyness affects your life in general, the following are just some of the tips that you can follow in order to overcome this:
- gain enough knowledge. This is the best thing that you can do in order to overcome shyness. If you are educated about shyness, you will know that embarrassment—which is the major reason that triggers shyness—doesn’t happen all the time. And if these will, you will know what to do since you have already taken time off to know more about this occurrence. Experts say that the greater understanding there is when it comes to shyness and about all the things that usually take place during social functions, he or she will get hold of the fear that grips his or her emotions.
- know what actually scares you. This is the basic thing that people who have extreme shyness should do because if they will know what it is that they fear in dealing with others, they can address these issues on themselves with a help of a professional such as a psychologist.
In this case, the problem is the fear of the person in dealing with others. Experts say that the earlier the shyness is diagnosed is the best treatment for this condition. This is because the problem could be addressed in its "infancy" stage so more options would be available for the patient.
The first thing that one can do if he or she suspects that he or she might have developed this fear in dealing with people is to check the symptoms of people who are diagnosed with it. Some of the common symptoms extreme shyness or diffidence include over anxiety or nervousness during the conversations and other social functions. Other manifestations of the condition might also include nausea, dizziness, vomiting, muscular tensions, motion sickness, excessive sweating, heavy breathing, palpitations or increased heart rate and uncontrolled shaking or trembling of the person's body.
If these symptoms happen to a person during any social gathering or conversation, then there is a great need for him or her to seek professional help as soon as possible. The diagnosis of diffidence is usually made by the psychologist who will offer advices. He or she will also assess the patient by asking about him or her about the fear of people, how it started, and the extent or the severity of the fear which may affects his or her life.
Going to a psychiatrist is one of the basic treatments in overcoming shyness because he or she will give the person another perspective on the condition and will also help him or her handle the condition especially if it has reached phobic proportions. If you suspect that too much shyness affects your life in general, the following are just some of the tips that you can follow in order to overcome this:
- gain enough knowledge. This is the best thing that you can do in order to overcome shyness. If you are educated about shyness, you will know that embarrassment—which is the major reason that triggers shyness—doesn’t happen all the time. And if these will, you will know what to do since you have already taken time off to know more about this occurrence. Experts say that the greater understanding there is when it comes to shyness and about all the things that usually take place during social functions, he or she will get hold of the fear that grips his or her emotions.
- know what actually scares you. This is the basic thing that people who have extreme shyness should do because if they will know what it is that they fear in dealing with others, they can address these issues on themselves with a help of a professional such as a psychologist.
Ways to Counter Shyness in Children
You cannot simply ignore shyness in children, especially when you are dealing with your own kids. You have to help them while they are still trying to evolve and become better in a world that may be tough to deal with after they have grown carrying such attitude. As a parent, it is your duty to guide them and make them realize what will be best for them. You don't have to impose on your children to do what you want them to. You just have to make them understand that they can gather many benefits from being confident in carrying themselves and relating with other people.
One Step at a Time
To help your children overcome this kind of attitude that may hinder their emotional and social skills as they grow old, here are some of the things that you can do.
1. You must not impose on what you want them to be. And even if you are already doing certain things to make things happen in this regard, you cannot expect instant results. You must understand what your children are going through. The attitude may be innate to them and it is also hard for them to follow your lead as much as they want to. You must try and take small steps to initiate changes to your children. Give them time to absorb things and values of what you want them to learn. Let them approach the situation at their own pace and do things at the right time whenever they are ready.
2. You must protect them from getting teased because of their behavior. This will aggravate the situation and may lower their self-esteem even more. If they are often getting teased, they will try to avoid people and situations so that they won't get such treatment. If this is going to happen, you will have a harder time teaching them on how to improve their social skills.
3. Do not punish them for being shy. They did not intend to be this way. You must approach the matter in a calm manner all the time. You must bear in mind that they are also having a hard time dealing with their situation and thinking of ways of how they can eventually get out of their shell.
4. You must support them, but not too much to the point that you are taking matters onto your own hands. Let them speak for themselves whenever they want to at the phase that they like. Do not speak to other people on their behalf because this may only aggravate the situation. You must do your best to encourage them to slowly get out of their shells. You have to be able to achieve this without being very obvious about your intentions.
If you are faced to deal with a problem like shyness in children, you must always put their feelings first before you start acting and implementing what you think will be best for them. If you are having a hard time dealing with it, just think that this is harder for them. If you really want to help them, you must allow them to adjust to the whole scenario at their own pace.
One Step at a Time
To help your children overcome this kind of attitude that may hinder their emotional and social skills as they grow old, here are some of the things that you can do.
1. You must not impose on what you want them to be. And even if you are already doing certain things to make things happen in this regard, you cannot expect instant results. You must understand what your children are going through. The attitude may be innate to them and it is also hard for them to follow your lead as much as they want to. You must try and take small steps to initiate changes to your children. Give them time to absorb things and values of what you want them to learn. Let them approach the situation at their own pace and do things at the right time whenever they are ready.
2. You must protect them from getting teased because of their behavior. This will aggravate the situation and may lower their self-esteem even more. If they are often getting teased, they will try to avoid people and situations so that they won't get such treatment. If this is going to happen, you will have a harder time teaching them on how to improve their social skills.
3. Do not punish them for being shy. They did not intend to be this way. You must approach the matter in a calm manner all the time. You must bear in mind that they are also having a hard time dealing with their situation and thinking of ways of how they can eventually get out of their shell.
4. You must support them, but not too much to the point that you are taking matters onto your own hands. Let them speak for themselves whenever they want to at the phase that they like. Do not speak to other people on their behalf because this may only aggravate the situation. You must do your best to encourage them to slowly get out of their shells. You have to be able to achieve this without being very obvious about your intentions.
If you are faced to deal with a problem like shyness in children, you must always put their feelings first before you start acting and implementing what you think will be best for them. If you are having a hard time dealing with it, just think that this is harder for them. If you really want to help them, you must allow them to adjust to the whole scenario at their own pace.
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